Parent/Family Frequently Asked Questions

First Week of Inpatient:

Q: What about insurance? How does that work?

A: Promises does not accept insurance as a form of payment, but we do provide you with a courtesy bill once residential treatment is completed.

Here are the steps that need to be taken:

Contact your insurance company to find out how much coverage you have for chemical decency residential treatment for out-of-network providers.
If a pre-certification is required, Promises will provide the information necessary for your insurance company.
Promises does not guarantee reimbursement for your insurance company, but we will provide you with as much support and assistance as possible in receiving reimbursement from your insurance company.

Q: When should I visit my loved one and attend family group?
A: The family therapist assigned to your loved one will contact you about family group. Promises can provide you with the family therapist’s e-mail and phone number so that you can contact him or her with any questions you may have.

Q: My son told me not to come to family group—what should I do?
A: That must have been really hard to hear from your son. I will send his family therapist an e-mail explaining your concern, and he or she will get back to you as soon as possible. What is the best way to reach you?

Q: My loved one seems so groggy and “out of it.” How long is his detox going to take?
A: First off, I want to commend you for calling with your concerns, and to assure you that the Promises medical team is providing your loved one with the best possible medical care. I can have the detox specialist working with your loved one call you and give you an update on the status of his or her care, and the specialist can answer any other questions you might have about the detoxification process.

Q: My daughter is angry with me. When we talk on the phone she says she is not going to sober living after the 30-day inpatient program. How do I respond to that and other questions about “what’s going to happen next?”
A: This is typical behavior for a patient going through treatment. I encourage you to set boundaries with your daughter and try to remember that love is in the “no.” It’s important to trust the process and know that the Promises clinical and admissions team is here to support you.

Q: What is the appropriate amount of communication we should be having? My son is calling me five times a day. He wants me to bring him special foods and personal items and is making unreasonable demands. I can’t be running over to Promises every time he wants something.
A: This is a great question. First of all, I want to assure you that all your son’s needs are being met. He may not have all the things he wants, but he has everything he needs. Secondly, this is a great opportunity for you to practice setting boundaries with your son. The next time he calls with unreasonable demands, ask him to start making a list of the things he needs. Let your son know that when he is finished with the list, he should give it to his therapist rather than call you. Inform him that Promises does a store run once a week and would be more that happy to purchase those items for him. If more questions come up or you need further support with this concern please call back or contact your son’s family therapist.

Q: How available is my family member’s counselor when I have questions or need to talk about what’s going on? Or should I be contacting someone else with questions?
A: Please feel free to always call the admissions team for any questions or concerns you might have about your family member. Our therapists typically call families once a week to update them on the client’s status and well-being. If you choose to contact the therapist, please remember that they are in therapy groups or individual sessions for most of the day. The therapists like to return calls at the end of the day, so if they don’t call back immediately you can be sure to hear from them by the end of the day.

Q: Is it important to attend the Saturday family therapy sessions?
A: Yes! It is very important to attend the Saturday family therapy sessions because addiction is a family disease, and everyone—including you—is affected. I encourage you to also attend some local Al-anon meetings for further support and education on the disease of addiction.

Q: Our Promises counselor calls my daughter’s addiction a disease. Is it really a disease, or something that most teenagers go through? I thought diseases were conditions like diabetes. Can’t she just get over it?
A: Yes, addiction is a disease, and no, she can’t just get over it. At Promises we treat the addictions and any other co-occurring disorders that your loved one may be struggling with. Promises is dedicated in helping educate your loved one as well as your family members about the disease of addiction so that the client can live a productive, rewarding, healthy, and sober life, “one day at a time.” This does not happen overnight, so I recommend that you attend Promises family groups as well as Al-anon meetings in your community for ongoing support.

Second and Third Weeks of Inpatient:

Q: What happens in sober living? Are clients supervised 24/7? What about food? How much money do they need?
A: Sober living is a gradual step-down in structure from residential treatment. It is very important to have a step-down program for clients transitioning out of residential treatment for many reasons. Most clients are undisciplined and lack structure in their everyday life, and sober living helps him or her get back into the everyday life routine. During the next 60 days of sober living, the client can start to build the foundation for recovery. Every client who comes into sober living receives an assessment with a life coach and goes over goals the client might have for the long term or short term; for example, going back to school, getting a job, returning to work, or dealing with legal problems from their past.

Clients are not supervised 24/7 but are required to do the following:

Undergo random urine analyst tests on a weekly basis.
Attend day patient program Monday through Friday from 10:30 am to 4:00 pm.
Attend seven 12-step meetings in the community including a Promises alumni meeting on Wednesday.
Cook and clean up after themselves.
Maintain a sponsor in a 12-step program.
Continue to meet with their primary therapist on a weekly basis.

Clients may use their cars while in sober living, and Promises will provide transportation to and from the day patient program for those without cars.

Food is not included in sober living, so clients will be responsible for going to the grocery store on their own as well as cooking their own meals. $100 to $150 per week should be sufficient for groceries. If you need to discuss the appropriate amount of money to give to your loved one in further detail, contact your family therapist.

Q: When do I get the person back I once knew?
A: It’s really important to trust in the process. Clients have a lot of work that they need to do in regards to their recovery program. It’s not about just staying sober. Sometimes it takes a long time for families to see the results they are looking for. This is why Al-anon is so important for you to explore. Al-anon offers you tools and coping mechanisms that will be beneficial in many areas in your life. Your loved one is working on building a support system for herself for a lifetime of recovery, and it will help you to have your own support system.

Q: Once my son gets clean and sober, when will he be ready to start working and going to school again?
A: This is a great question. Each client is different and I think it would be really helpful for you to write down all the questions you might have and then present them to your son’s family therapist.

Q: How long does my son have to go to these 12-step meeting for?
A: I’ll answer this question the same way I would answer this question for your son—let’s take this one day at a time.

Q: My daughter is pressing me to give her answers about her life in Walsh House. She says she needs her car to get to meetings and that everyone there has a car. Is this true? Can she get rides for whatever she needs to do?
A: I commend you for calling before answering your daughter. Let her know that you don’t have a definite answer for her at the moment and that you will get back to her. This is a good question for your daughter’s family therapist, as the answer should be a team decision.

Q: My loved one is not responding to the idea of a 12-step program. He does not believe in God or a higher power and won’t participate in a program that requires him to do so. Will meetings still help him in his recovery?
A: This is probably one of the most common experiences people have when they come in for treatment, as most of our clients do not identify themselves as being religious. The purpose of a 12-step program is to find strength through a higher purpose—whatever that might be for them. Not believing in God or a higher power doesn’t mean a client won’t recover, and attending 12-step meetings will still greatly benefit your loved one. There are plenty of clients and staff members at Promises that have been down this very road and can sit down with your loved one and share their experience. At Promises, we meet the clients where they’re at.

Q: My daughter claims that although she intends to remain clean and sober, and will not use her drug of choice, she does not believe that alcohol is harmful and intends to drink “socially” when she leaves Promises. She said might also smoke some pot occasionally. Is this okay? ren’t these both “gateway” drugs? Is this still considered to be self-medicating?
A: Promises promotes complete abstinence form all mind-altering drugs, including alcohol and marijuana.

Fourth Week of Inpatient:

Q: How do we know our son is clean and sober while he is living in the sober living house? Is there regular drug testing?
A: Yes, there are random drug tests that are done weekly. If your son were to relapse, Promises would be aware of it and you would be notified.

Q: My wife’s counselor has recommended that I attend the Wednesday night family support group at Promises. I don’t do well in groups and I’m not comfortable talking about private family matters. Why is this necessary, and what can I expect there?
A: This is an educational opportunity for you to come and learn how to contribute to your wife’s recovery. Our intentions are to support you in this journey.

Q: Other parents are talking about having drawn up “contracts” with their kids when they come out of sober living. How do I get more information about this?
A: This is a great thing to talk to your family therapist about.

Q: What happens if my loved one relapses after treatment? Does Promises guarantee that he will be drug-free from now on? How effective is the program and what percentage of clients remain clean and sober?
A: Promises has an amazing alumni program that speaks volumes about our success. I can’t give you an exact number or percentage of clients who remain clean and sober because that information is almost impossible to gather. It might be very helpful for you to have relapse plan for when your loved one leaves treatment. You’ll want to contact your family therapist so they can help you in this process.

Q: I need new coping skills and parenting skills to deal with my child’s addiction, which has been devastating to our family. I have been advised to look for an Al-anon meeting to attend regularly. Will this help?
A: Not only will it help you, but it will save your life. If you live locally it would be wonderful if you could attend the Wednesday night family group held in West Los Angeles. If you’re not from the area it would be helpful to talk to an ambassador family member, who is part of out ambassador alumni group. You would be talking to a family member who has been in your shoes and wants to be of service to family members like yourself.

Q: Now that my husband is sober I hardly see or hear from him. He’s always busy with meetings and “being of service.” Is this normal?
A: This is a completely normal part of the recovery process.

Q: I see the steps on the walls of my Al-anon meetings and am wondering why my daughter hasn’t made amends (step 9) to me for everything she put me through. It’s been close to 6 months now since she has been sober. How long do I need to wait?
A: It’s important to trust in the process and know that your daughter will go through the steps at her own pace.

Q: Should I drug test my son? Where do I go? How often should I test him? What if the results are positive?
A: If you want to do ongoing testing for your son it would probably be best to get a third party involved. If your son’s test shows up positive, please contact Promises immediately for support and guidance.

Q: Do clients have to be in sober living to attend the Intensive Outpatient Program?
A: No, you do not need to live in sober living to attend Promises’ outpatient program.

Q: Is there going to be room in a sober living house after the 30 days? What happens if there isn’t?
A: Promises has many resources in the community, and if that were to be a problem we would work to secure a space elsewhere at no extra cost.

Q: What if my son wants to move back home after the 30 days of residential treatment? Should I allow him to move back home?
A: No. It is very important to have a step-down program after residential treatment and is imperative for long-term sobriety. Clients who live with active addiction forget what it is like to live without drugs and alcohol. Promises strongly encourages clients and family members to trust in the clinical team’s recommendations for treatment and discharge planning.

Q: What happens after the 90 days?
A: Part of the process is a discharge plan. A team of people will be involved, helping make sure that the client has all the tools and resources he or she needs before being discharged.

Q: The Intensive Outpatient Program is only one hour per night—what happens during the other 23 hours?
A: If there is a concern that transitioning to the night program may not be appropriate at this time, the admissions and clinical teams will get creative and decide what the next steps are.

Q: Will clients receive help with getting employment?
A: Your loved one’s life coach (who does the assessment with the client upon entering sober living) will discuss options for employment if it is a goal or a concern.

Q: Can clients bring their animals to sober living with them?
A: No—arrangements will need to be made for any pets while the client is in residential treatment or sober living.

Q: If my loved one says she won’t stay in California for the continuing care program if she can’t have their cat with her, what do I say?
A: There are a few different options if this is a major concern. We have resources in Malibu that can take care of pets for long or short periods of time. We have had many clients in the past use these services and they are always pleased with the level of care given. The second option is that the client can find a local sober living house that allows pets, so they can continue their day patient treatment.

Q: How do I say no to my loved one?
A: An effective answer to give your loved one is “I will support your recovery, but I will not support your disease.”

Q: Why do I need to go to Al-anon? I don’t have the problem.
A: Addiction is a family disease and everyone involved with the client is affected. Al-anon is merely a suggestion, but remember that the support given in Al-anon is for you.

Q: My son has gone to 4 different treatment centers. What should I do if he relapses again?
A: This must be really hard for you. Promises is here to help you and I hope you take advantage of all the resources we have to offer. Your son’s family therapist would be the best person to talk to in regards to a relapse prevention plan or coming up with creative new ideas.

Q: When my children ask where their father is, what should I say?
A: Here at Promises we advocate honesty. A simple way to respond is that their father is getting help. You can also contact your husband’s family therapist for other possible answers.

Q: I plan on divorcing my wife after she leaves treatment. Should I tell her while she is in treatment so that she can deal with it there or should I tell her after she gets out?
A: This is a good question for your family therapist.

Q: After my daughter completes treatment, I don’t want her coming back home. I want her to go to sober living for a minimum of 6 months. Is this harsh?
A: No, it is not harsh. This is something that you’ll want to bring up during your family sessions.

Q: I’ve gone to ten Al-anon meetings in my area and I don’t connect with anyone. What other supports groups are out there for me?
A: Promises has a family ambassador program that provides support in many ways. You don’t need to go to a 12-step program to get the support you need.

Q: Promises told my son that I am a huge trigger for him. What does that mean?
A: Clients are going through many psycho-education groups on the disease of addiction and are asked to identify what their triggers are, or the things that prompt them to use. This is a great question for your family therapist.