What Rapper 360 Wants You to Know About Addiction
In an emotional Facebook video posted one year after his drug use caused him to collapse while on tour, the Australian performer rapped about the incident and his recovery, apologizing to those he’d let down and thanking those who’d stood by his side.
“When I was an addict, I was at my worst
No one knew it
I didn’t tell one person
Couldn’t bring myself to do it
Cause I felt like a burden”
Titled “I’m Sorry,” the song explains that he had been using up to 90 over-the-counter codeine pills daily by the time his tour manager found him convulsing on the floor. He awoke in a hospital bed on suicide watch. But he hadn’t been attempting to kill himself, he said. He’d just been stupid.
The codeine use, he wrote in a comment on the video, was an attempt to stave off withdrawal from a cocktail of medications that included OxyContin, Xanax, Valium and, when he ran out of OxyContin, heroin.
“Opiates are my poison. That is the thing I couldn't stop using and had to always have. I wasn't going to take smack on tour with me as I was scared of taking that kind of thing to the airport, and I couldn't get enough prescriptions of OxyContin to last me a whole tour, so I had to fill my luggage up with Nurofen Plus as it is the only over-the-counter codeine you can get and the only way to prevent myself going into withdrawals. I would not get high off 90 pills, it was just [to] help me not get sick.”
The realization that he was “a junkie,” the shocking end to the tour, and the monthlong hospital stay was a nightmare, he explained in the song, but when he at last committed to detox and recovery, and the more he cares for himself through rest and exercise, “the more the devil on my shoulder hasn’t got any strength.”
These days, one year clean, he makes clear that he’s happier and more creative than ever, grateful to be alive, trying to make amends to those he’s hurt, and tackling life’s challenges rather than looking for ways to evade them. “I embrace any pain now. I’m not going to run.”
He’s also eager to help others find a new direction, commenting, “To anyone who is an addict and suffering in silence please take my advice and hear my story, SPEAK OUT.”
“The battle with addiction’s a battle on its own
The worst part is I tried to battle it alone
So if you’re hearing this and you’re battling at home
Tell somebody because your family should know”
Judging from the thousands of comments on the video, which has been viewed more than 7 million times, Colwell’s message has found an audience. “Thank you!!” read one. “I will now talk to someone. You have convinced me to do something about myself.”
Colwell ends the rap with a reminder that even the most seemingly hopeless of us is capable of change.
“I’m loving life now, getting it back
If I can do this s---, f---ing anyone can”