An escalation from “regular” sex to more extreme sexual activities is a well-recognized symptom of sex addiction. People with this addiction need to keep pushing the boundaries of sexual behavior in order to achieve the same level of excitement and satisfaction that they used to achieve without those activities. However, this does not mean that everyone who engages in sexual activities that most people consider extreme is suffering from sex addiction. Sex addiction is not about any particular sexual act or preference. It is about a constant desire for sexual gratification that becomes all-important, surpassing all professional and personal obligations in the addicted individual’s mind and even surpassing the individual’s own health and safety. A strong sex drive is normal and healthy for most people, and it is common to have a certain amount of sexual desire much of the time. However, people with sexual addiction are desperate for sex, and the mild to moderate disappointment that most people feel when sex is not available is devastating for the addict.
Extreme Sexual Practices vs. Illegal Behavior
Certain sexual practices may seem strange and distasteful to some people, but that doesn’t mean that they are wrong. Research tells us, including that of Alfred Kinsey and the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, that kinks and fetishes are fairly common and widely indulged in. Even more intense erotic practices such as BDSM have rules and guidelines designed to keep participants safe and do not involve illegal activities. In contrast, the more extreme sexual behaviors that are often seen with sex addiction can put these people at serious risk. Illegal voyeurism or exhibitionism as well as the soliciting of prostitutes are all relatively common. People with sex addiction frequently have unprotected sex with multiple partners, potentially exposing themselves to sexually transmitted diseases. This addiction may even lead people to engage in more violent sexual activities, such as stalking, rape or child molestation.
It’s All About the Escalation
It is normal and healthy to experiment with various sexual activities until you discover what behaviors are most gratifying to you. But someone with sexual addiction will go from being perfectly satisfied by more conventional sexual acts to pushing the envelope in search of the satisfaction that these acts no longer provide. These people often find themselves pursuing sexual behaviors that leave them feeling extremely ashamed and that they never would have fantasized about doing in the past. Instead of finding their own preferences—no matter how seemingly extreme—and sticking with them, people with sex addiction will desperately pursue stimulation that is more and more difficult to come by.
Having Sex Is No Longer About the Partner
Many people engage in casual sex without having formed any strong emotional attachment to their sexual partner. However, people with sex addiction take this to the extreme. Sex becomes entirely about the sexual act with no regard for the other person involved. Serial infidelity and solicitation are common among people with sexual addiction, who simply feel the need to have as much sex as they can wherever they can find it. Despite the attention-grabbing nature of certain particularly kinky sexual acts, the acts themselves do not necessarily overshadow the importance of the participating partner for people who prefer these behaviors. Many such people are in committed relationships, and these acts are pleasurable in large part because they are shared with partners who have similar preferences.