It’s a heart-wrenching experience when someone we care about falls into the grips of addiction. Witnessing your adult child’s downward spiral can be incredibly challenging. And the worst part of it all is that you may be enabling your child to continue this behavior. Let’s explore the intricate dynamics of enabling and offers insights into the importance of seeking professional help. To learn more about how a couples counseling program can help parents of adult children who are struggling with addiction, call us today at 844.875.5609.
The All-Too-Familiar Scenario For Parents of Adult Children
Peeking around the corner, you see your adult child sprawled on the couch, surrounded by empty bottles. You’d hoped it was a bad dream, but deep down, you know it’s not. The cycle repeats, and the weight feels unbearable.
When your son or daughter called saying they needed to move back home, you were thrilled. You missed their presence, their laughter, and being part of their daily life. You knew they were struggling and wanted to help them get back on track. This was your child—full of potential and capable of a bright future.
But as days turned into weeks, the late nights, constant drinking, and disappearance of your medication chipped away at your hope. Each time, you told yourself it was just a phase, that things would get better. You held onto love, but loving someone through their struggles can take a toll you didn’t expect.
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many families face similar challenges, navigating the tough path of caring for someone with substance use issues. Understanding enabling behavior is a crucial step toward healing for both you and your loved one.
What Is Enabling Behavior?
Substance use doesn’t only affect the person struggling; it ripples outward, touching everyone in its path. Family members, in particular, often bear the brunt of its effects. They want to help, but sometimes, that well-meaning support can evolve into unexpected enabling.
Enabling means taking actions that shield a loved one from facing the consequences of their substance use. This happens out of love and concern, but it can inadvertently allow the cycle to continue.
Ask yourself if you’ve been:
- Covering for their absences from work or social commitments
- Taking on responsibilities that should be theirs
- Loaning money, or outright paying bills, that seem to vanish into the void
- Downplaying their behavior when speaking with others
- Buying alcohol or substances to “keep the peace”
- Silencing your thoughts and feelings out of fear of conflict
If you recognize these patterns, know that you are not alone. Enabling often stems from love and fear—love for your family member and fear of what might happen if you don’t step in. But in reality, enabling protects a harmful cycle, preventing progress or recovery.
Helping vs. Enabling – What’s the Difference?
It can be hard to distinguish between helping and enabling, especially when the lines blur in the face of addiction. Helping means supporting a loved one in ways that nurture growth, independence, and healing. Enabling, on the other hand, involves actions that prevent them from taking responsibility for their choices.
For example:
- Helping is driving them to a treatment program or offering emotional support.
- Enabling is covering for their substance use with excuses or offering money they might misuse.
True help empowers your loved one to take ownership of their recovery without shielding them from the natural consequences of their actions.
Why Enabling Causes Harm
Enabling can seem like the easier choice in the moment. Saying no to a loved one you care for deeply, letting them experience discomfort, or watching them struggle is painful. But enabling often deepens the problem. By absorbing all the consequences yourself, you remove their motivation to change.
This cycle can erode trust and the balance of your relationship. Feelings of resentment can build, for both you and them, as their patterns persist. Over time, the “help” you offer may prevent them from seeking the treatment they truly need.
How to Break Free From Enabling
Breaking the cycle of enabling takes courage, but it’s an essential step toward healing for both you and your loved one. Ask yourself these questions next time you’re tempted to step in:
- Am I doing this to protect them, or because they can’t do it themselves?
- Will this action help them move forward, or keep them stuck?
- Am I compromising my own health, well-being, or morals?
The key is to set clear boundaries and stick to them, even when it feels difficult. For instance:
- Stop giving financial support if it’s being used to fuel their substance use.
- Don’t make excuses for them. Allow them to face the consequences of their actions.
- Offer emotional support, but encourage them to pursue treatment.
It’s OK—even necessary—to focus on your needs, too. Substance use doesn’t just affect the person struggling; it impacts the whole family. Seek help from counselors or support groups to help guide you through this process. Remember, stopping enabling doesn’t mean withdrawing love. It means showing love in a healthier, more constructive way.
Get the Professional Help You Need From Promises
You don’t have to go through this alone. If you’re finding it hard to stop enabling, or feel lost in how to help your loved one, professional support can make all the difference.
At Promises Behavioral Health, we offer a range of evidence-based and compassionate treatment options tailored to your loved one’s unique needs. Our programs address both substance use and the emotional challenges that come with it. We also provide family resources to help rebuild trust and connection, creating the foundation for long-term recovery.
Reaching out is a powerful act of hope. It means taking the first step toward a healthier future—for your loved one and yourself. Call us today at 844.875.5609 or use our online contact form.