One of the first things you have to do when you are newly sober is to choose a sponsor. A sponsor is often your closest friend or mentor in Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous. He or she is the person you are most likely to turn to in order to ask questions or share your struggles. Your relationship with your sponsor will influence your sobriety and help you grow and change as you learn to live a sober life. There are times when you may find that the relationship you have with your sponsor isn\u2019t working out. At first you may try to pretend that everything is going to get better, but as time passes, you know it\u2019s time to change your sponsor. There are several things that may lead to this decision.\r\nDifferences in Approach or Core Beliefs\r\nWhen you come to AA or NA, you already have certain core beliefs. You may have deep-rooted religious convictions or other personal beliefs that aren\u2019t going to change based on what other people tell you. If your sponsor tries to get you to change your core beliefs, you may feel that he or she has crossed a line into trying to convince you of something that isn\u2019t his or her place and may have nothing to do with recovery. Another problem that may come up is that you aren\u2019t quite comfortable with how your sponsor treats you. As time goes on, you may realize that your sponsor\u2019s approach to showing you how to live a sober life isn\u2019t working for you. For example, some sponsors may approach those they sponsor with tough love. If you are the kind of person who needs a gentler approach, you may start to realize that the tough love approach isn\u2019t comfortable for you. Some people prefer to be told exactly what to do while others would rather make their own mistakes. The wrong approach for you personally isn\u2019t going to help you.\r\nLack of Progress\r\nLearning to live sober is a process that takes time and sometimes hard work. As you focus on recovery and work the steps, you gradually change. When you work the 12 steps with true dedication, you will be amazed at the dramatic transformation that can occur. But when you are working with a sponsor who has not worked the steps, you may find that your own growth comes to a screeching halt. This often happens when you choose a sponsor who doesn\u2019t have a lot more sobriety than you have. You may be ready to work a fourth and fifth step, but find that your sponsor hasn\u2019t done that. How can he or she answer your questions or offer support for steps that he or she hasn\u2019t taken? It might be a hint that it\u2019s time to move on.\r\nBetrayal of Trust\r\n\u00a0On rare occasions, you may have an experience with a sponsor who betrays your trust in some way. You may hear that something you shared in confidence was repeated to someone else. Your sponsor may avoid your calls or not return them promptly. When you feel that your trust has been betrayed, it\u2019s probably better to move on and find a new sponsor. You deserve a sponsor who will be there for you and who is worthy of your trust.\r\n\u00a0When There Is No Choice\r\n\u00a0Sometimes you have no choice but to find a new sponsor. This could occur due to the illness or death of your sponsor, or you or your sponsor may relocate. This can be a painful experience, because when this happens, you would probably have preferred to continue to work with the same sponsor. When a relationship with a sponsor ends, it can be disappointing and unsettling. Whatever the reason you have to change your sponsor, the good news is that there are plenty of other people in recovery circles who are able and willing to fill that role for you. Be open to the possibility of building new friendships and learning new lessons. Continue to surround yourself with other sober people and trust that the right person to fill the role of your sponsor will be revealed in time.